The Naked Clone: A Nick Nolte Mystery
Product ID: 578420920
Buy anything from 5,000+ international stores. One checkout price. No surprise fees. Join 2M+ shoppers on Desertcart.
Desertcart purchases this item on your behalf and handles shipping, customs, and support to Kyrgyzstan.
This hilarious mystery was written serially by the minds behind RiffTrax, with each writer picking up where the last left off. There’s trouble in Hollywood. Big surprise, Sheepdip, there’s always trouble in Hollywood. But for Yours Truly, Nick Nolte, private dick, actor, entrepreneur, collector of exotic and often dangerous commodities, and People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive (1992), Hollywood is a filthy, decaying, half-empty swimming pool, and I’m gonna dive in head-first. Someone’s kidnapping Hollywood bigwigs? Hell, I wish I’d thought of it first. Clones runnin’ amok from Pismo to Tijuana? Sounds like fun, hand me a gun. A dame in distress willing to hire me for a sack a’ quarters? I’m in. I’ll even put on my best shirt for the job, which is easy, ’cause it’s my only shirt. A diabolical plot to mess with the space-time continuum and take over Tinseltown, maybe the whole damn world? I’m on the case. I might get distracted, or black out a few times, or both, but I won’t stop till I bring in these evil peckerknobs and win the heart of the femme fatale… …Sorry, blacked out there for a minute. Maybe an hour. Maybe a day—look, who’s counting? So strap in, Shortpants, it’ll be one full-throttle, mind-twisting, weirdass ride, and I got the wheel. Just hand me that bag a’ pills and that can a’ Sterno and try not to scream so damn much. —Your Pal, Nick Review: I Laughed The Entire Way Through It - When I saw yesterday that RiffTrax, comedy gold comedians, Mike, Bill, Kevin, Sean and Connor. Had taken the obvious logical next step of their many years ongoing, indigent and certifiably insane Nick Nolte, comedy bits. That was featured, hilariously, in so many RiffTrax offerings and that they, of course, turned it into a book. Well, I knew it would be gut-busting fine no doubt and that I just had to own and read it right away. And, man, I’m not kidding that I laughed nearly the entire way through reading this novel. Haha! I know it’s just 125 pages. But, I read through the entire thing in one sitting and, again, just laughed continuously, page after page. I was so excited to read this that I actually bought two copies of this physical edition paperback (one for posterity). Yet, even with the two-day shipping, though, that was not soon enough for me to read it. So, I went to the official RiffTrax website and bought the eBook version as well so I could read it post haste. I have to say, too, that for me reading this book full of comedy madness was like being in a perpetual state of having forgotten to take my psychotropics, experiencing ‘shroom flashbacks from my younger days and constant side-splitting laughter. A very strange combination of feelings for sure. But I enjoyed every minute of it. I find it amazing that all five of them were able to write a book together without any editing really, I think they said. Even though it’s as bonkers as their Nolte bits from the RiffTrax movies times a thousand. Well, it still felt cohesive to me the whole way through. Well, as cohesive as a story can about their version of People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive (1992) can, haha. POSSIBLE SPOILERS? Or, POSSIBLE JOKE SPOILERS. Below are some of my favorite excerpts from this story of what I consider to be - brillant lunacy. If you want to skip these, just scroll down to where it says - END OF POSSIBLE JOKE SPOILERS, please. But these following excerpts had me laughing so darn hard. • Can you drive while doing all kinds of other stuff including changin' from your January underpants into your February underpants while eatin' a halfa-Cinnabon you yoinked from some yuppie in Century City whomst you distracted by throwing a dead pigeon near him, or technically at him? • Ol' Nick ain't ever down or out. If you ain't countin' the couple months my arms wouldn't work 'cause I kept boxin' kangaroos (long story, but those boys are strong muscle-y sumbitches, really hammer the upper body). • Those words can sound just a touch insincere when a man's hackin' through a leg that still has a shoe on it, not breakin' eye contact, flanked by two hombres wearing bandanas over their faces. • I wiped my eyes and looked at him for the first time without wanting to punch or mutilate him in some way. There’s so much more that is so darn funny but I don’t want to possibly spoil anymore of it for you. END OF POSSIBLE JOKE SPOILERS ——— Overall I have to say that I couldn’t be happier with this book. I needed some good comedy, bad, recently. And this type of literary (or literal?) madness, clever, off the rails and hilarious comedy was right up my alley. Hopefully not an alley that is occasionally occupied by, Nick, though. I think if you enjoy the humor of RiffTrax, enjoy their ongoing crazy Nick Nolte bits or you just want to have an insane ride and laugh your head off. That, The Nolte Clone - A Nick Nolte Mystery, is totally worth your time. It was sort of like reading Bret Easton Ellis being possessed by Nick Nolte, Rik Mayall, Steven Wright on acid and Chuck Palahniuk’s silly side. I don’t know what any of that means. I think I’m still just feeling way too whacked in the head after reading that all in one sitting starting at like 1:30 AM until now as I write this review at 6:25 AM. I highly recommend this schizophrenic comedy tome. I hope you’ll laugh as much as I did. Many thanks to Mike, Bill, Kevin, Connor and Sean for such an bonkers and hilariously good time. Also, do you think they sent the real Nick Nolte a copy of this book :D? Review: Awesome Book - Wonderful book. So glad desertcart was able to provide it.
| Best Sellers Rank | #690,581 in Books ( See Top 100 in Books ) #864 in Humor About Law & Crime #4,218 in Fiction Satire #11,934 in Amateur Sleuths |
| Customer Reviews | 4.5 out of 5 stars 59 Reviews |
F**T
I Laughed The Entire Way Through It
When I saw yesterday that RiffTrax, comedy gold comedians, Mike, Bill, Kevin, Sean and Connor. Had taken the obvious logical next step of their many years ongoing, indigent and certifiably insane Nick Nolte, comedy bits. That was featured, hilariously, in so many RiffTrax offerings and that they, of course, turned it into a book. Well, I knew it would be gut-busting fine no doubt and that I just had to own and read it right away. And, man, I’m not kidding that I laughed nearly the entire way through reading this novel. Haha! I know it’s just 125 pages. But, I read through the entire thing in one sitting and, again, just laughed continuously, page after page. I was so excited to read this that I actually bought two copies of this physical edition paperback (one for posterity). Yet, even with the two-day shipping, though, that was not soon enough for me to read it. So, I went to the official RiffTrax website and bought the eBook version as well so I could read it post haste. I have to say, too, that for me reading this book full of comedy madness was like being in a perpetual state of having forgotten to take my psychotropics, experiencing ‘shroom flashbacks from my younger days and constant side-splitting laughter. A very strange combination of feelings for sure. But I enjoyed every minute of it. I find it amazing that all five of them were able to write a book together without any editing really, I think they said. Even though it’s as bonkers as their Nolte bits from the RiffTrax movies times a thousand. Well, it still felt cohesive to me the whole way through. Well, as cohesive as a story can about their version of People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive (1992) can, haha. POSSIBLE SPOILERS? Or, POSSIBLE JOKE SPOILERS. Below are some of my favorite excerpts from this story of what I consider to be - brillant lunacy. If you want to skip these, just scroll down to where it says - END OF POSSIBLE JOKE SPOILERS, please. But these following excerpts had me laughing so darn hard. • Can you drive while doing all kinds of other stuff including changin' from your January underpants into your February underpants while eatin' a halfa-Cinnabon you yoinked from some yuppie in Century City whomst you distracted by throwing a dead pigeon near him, or technically at him? • Ol' Nick ain't ever down or out. If you ain't countin' the couple months my arms wouldn't work 'cause I kept boxin' kangaroos (long story, but those boys are strong muscle-y sumbitches, really hammer the upper body). • Those words can sound just a touch insincere when a man's hackin' through a leg that still has a shoe on it, not breakin' eye contact, flanked by two hombres wearing bandanas over their faces. • I wiped my eyes and looked at him for the first time without wanting to punch or mutilate him in some way. There’s so much more that is so darn funny but I don’t want to possibly spoil anymore of it for you. END OF POSSIBLE JOKE SPOILERS ——— Overall I have to say that I couldn’t be happier with this book. I needed some good comedy, bad, recently. And this type of literary (or literal?) madness, clever, off the rails and hilarious comedy was right up my alley. Hopefully not an alley that is occasionally occupied by, Nick, though. I think if you enjoy the humor of RiffTrax, enjoy their ongoing crazy Nick Nolte bits or you just want to have an insane ride and laugh your head off. That, The Nolte Clone - A Nick Nolte Mystery, is totally worth your time. It was sort of like reading Bret Easton Ellis being possessed by Nick Nolte, Rik Mayall, Steven Wright on acid and Chuck Palahniuk’s silly side. I don’t know what any of that means. I think I’m still just feeling way too whacked in the head after reading that all in one sitting starting at like 1:30 AM until now as I write this review at 6:25 AM. I highly recommend this schizophrenic comedy tome. I hope you’ll laugh as much as I did. Many thanks to Mike, Bill, Kevin, Connor and Sean for such an bonkers and hilariously good time. Also, do you think they sent the real Nick Nolte a copy of this book :D?
M**Y
Awesome Book
Wonderful book. So glad Amazon was able to provide it.
G**O
Wow! I never knew that I knew so little about duck penises
Ok, so, deep literature this ain’t. Of course, it never claimed to be, either. This book was written by members of the old Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew (IYKYK) and the current brain trust behind RiffTrax. (Again, IYKYK). So you should expect irreverent, unapologetic humor at the expense of Nick Nolte, Joe Don Baker, Mickey Rourke, and ducks in general. It’s sharp parody and a fun, quick read. Plus, you’ll learn far more about duck penises than you ever wanted to know. Unless you’re just weird like that. You’re not weird like that, are you? Hmmmm…
S**L
Just as amazing & hilarious as a Rifftrax Live show!
After listening to the guys mock Nick Nolte for hours during any number of their incredible riffs, nothing made me happier to hear that they've focused their talents to write an original novel following the adventures of the one and only! This novel is hilarious, absurd, ridiculous, irreverent, laugh-out-loud funny! I spent an entire 8-hour shift at work laughing my ass & accomplishing nothing! (If the guys at Rifftrax are reading this, I meant both statements emphatically & honestly) If you are a lover of Rifftrax.com, YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK! If you have no idea what Rifftrax.com is, GO CHECK THEM OUT, BUY THIS BOOK, & READ IT! I can't wait for the next book! (There damn well better be more, RIFFTRAX!!!! I WANT MORE!!!!!)
M**R
Talk about a summer read. Not to heavy but fun.
Goofy fun.
S**.
Fantastically Funny! A Must Read!
Continuous laughter from beginning to end. We absolutely love RiffTrax and weren’t sure how a book would be versus a movie or short. But we thoroughly enjoyed each chapter and the delightful sense of humor from Mike, Kevin, Bill, Conor, and Sean shined through brilliantly. So glad the guys are putting together an audio version at the end of January. Looking forward to it. Highly recommend buying this book.
A**R
Has Mr. Nolte read this yet?
Folks, I have read a lot of fine literature in my day but sadly, this is not part of it. However, if you are a fan of Rifftrax there would be no better way to spend an hour or so chuckling at the adventures of many Nick Noltes and his peg leg friends. Highly recommend.
J**A
A literary classic!
I found this book in the trashcan at a bus stop in Bakersfield, stuffed into a greasy Del Taco bag which reeked of cheap whisky and shame while I was on a 12 day bender. I read it on the all-night 245 line, and it transformed my life! Do yourself a favor honcho, and pick up this modern classic.
R**O
Great
All their work, including this, is great
Trustpilot
1 month ago
3 weeks ago