The Joys of Motherhood: A Novel

EXTREME WARNING: Unless your computer has updated Norton Anti-virus protection or comparable protection against covert & malicious software (which infects your computer & then downloads all your files at night by spies) DO NOT ACCESS ANY OF MY REVIEWS!!! [This is no hype or joke.] When a society values Motherhood, but not the women themselves: it is warped, hypocritical, and sexist wherever it is in the world, (Africa, Europe, Asia, or the Americas)...and this is so whatever the culture or its religion (Indigenous, Muslim, Christian, or otherwise). This is the essence of Buchi Emecheta's outstanding African novel, THE JOYS OF MOTHERHOOD. Although it is set in colonial Nigeria (pre and post World War II) the struggles of its female protagonist, Nnu Ego, are really the struggles of all women---which are: to find meaningful self-fullfilling roles in their societies...a struggle that continues to this day. Patriarchal and sexist societies rarely view women as having any role greater than that of baby-makers. And even worse, almost all of them are culturally biased to value male infants more than females. They hypocritically proclaim to value motherhood, but devalue women, and even the mothers themselves. They proclaim a great love for infants, then reject adequate societal care for the children (this is particularly true in the U.S.). We might think that only primitive and indigenous societies are guilty of such blatantly sexist practices, but (as a by-product of male patriarchy) it remains standard practice around the world---for all religious fundamentalists, all pro-life fanatics, and for all arranged marriages. The women and daughters get no respect...and no say...and no choice. They get cultural B.S. and religious hype---in order for them to accept that being a mother is the greatest honor of a female's life--and that without being a mother (mostly of sons), they will remain unfullfilled. But, given adequate alternatives, most women would probably see right through this (along with the practice of their men having multiple wives) as being exactly what it is...self-justifying, male, sexual con. And yet, most of them would also acknowledge a part of this con as being absolutely necessary for Life itself to continue. I believe there CAN BE joy and a dignity in being a mother (if that's what a woman chooses for herself), and IF she has love, money, help from her partner, and adequate care-giving skills. Similarly, I believe there will also be despair and family dysfunction when ANY of these things are missing. The current rise in social pathologies in the U.S. mirrors the concurrent rise in single-parent, female-headed, households. Too much of our thinking and social lives have become singular in emphasis, individually selfish, as well as socially and sexually disjointed, and out of balance. Women themselves must be seen as (and also become) more than JUST mothers, and men themselves must be seen as (and certainly become) MUCH MUCH more than just sperm-donors. Our current social reality shows that it will take all of this. [And love, respect, and more money wouldn't hurt a thing either.] Otherwise, simply as products of a sexist culture, we are ALL just liars and hypocrites, at best; and destroyers of hope and a better future, at worst. I just recently discovered the novels of Buchi Emecheta--sharing her stories and her perspective on the world (along with other excellent, Black, female, writers.) I keep reading, and I keep learning. My journey continues, and I hope yours does as well. Read, learn, and enjoy. I certainly did.

Igbos, Ona and wealthy local Chief Nwokocha Agbadi were in love. However, Ona’s father, ruler at another village, Chief Umunna, forbade Ona to marry. Umunna had not fathered sons; therefore, Ona would someday occupy his seat. Agbadi suffered serious injuries during a hunting trip. Ona tended him during convalescence and, during that time; the two mated and produced a child. Ona could not disobey her father’s wishes and marry Agbadi. Instead, she promised Agbadi if she had a son, she would present him to her father. If she delivered a daughter, she would give her to Agbadi. Ona died during childbirth delivering a daughter. Agbadi named his daughter Nnu Ego, which means a priceless jewel. Nnu Ego typified the conventional role of young women at that time, in the late 1930s and early 1940s, to bear and raise children. Her first marriage ended in disaster because she could not bear children. Motherhood is the most important aspect for women and having sons pre-eminent in Nigeria. She relocated to Lagos, Nigeria, for her second marriage to Nnaife Owulum, with whom she conceived. Nnaife had no sense of direction. He was unconventional concerning Nigerian men’s work ethic. Known as a “washerman,” much to Nnu Ego’s chagrin and annoyance, he cared for the clothing, underwear, and bed linens of his English employers, the Meers. Nnaife appeared selfish and indolent. His only contribution was to give Nnu Ego children and look forward to their sons taking care of him in old age and the ‘bride price’ he would amass from his four daughters. Eventually, Nnaife, took on his deceased brother’s wives the elder Adankwo and young Adaku. Adaku, the more astute and enterprising left Nnaife, during his five-year conscription into the British Army. Nnu Ego had to fend for herself and their children. She felt it not fair the way men cleverly used a woman’s sense of responsibility to enslave them. Nnu Ego, proud and conscientious, was self-critical of herself, and often reflected social standards learned from her father. She assumed her husband’s role as breadwinner for their growing family. Before having more children, she too, considered enterprising, sold cigarettes and other sundries, but became defeated after producing so many children. Changes had already taken place in West Africa. Colonial rule coerced Christianity, European beliefs of education, and behavior. This eroded age-old customs and traditions, to such an extent that Oshia, the Owulum’s eldest son no longer believed it obligatory to support the family. With a scholarship, he completed his higher education in America and married a European. His brother, Adim, disappointed at Oshia’s family rank, left home to complete higher learning in Canada. Daughter Kehinde chose a Yoruba for her husband, much to Nnaife’s maddening and sudden violent disposition. The familiar crumbled. All seemed lost when the love, respect, ordinariness and intimacy of family fell apart and its end the terrible pain of aloneness. I enjoyed reading this five-star book.

Uma obra-prima que merece ser lida por todos, até mesmo (ou sobretudo?) por aqueles não se interessam pelo tema da maternidade. Romance sobre a dor universal de adequar seus desejos quiméricos à dura realidade da existência.

So amazing thank you so much. Really appreciate it ❤️🫶🏻

Efficient

A must read for anyone who wants to understand the underlying overtones of subverted motherhood and feminism in the human society...

The Joys of Motherhood explores the responsibility, joys, pain and all that comes with being a mother, the expectation placed on African women from a young age. Set in the 1940s it also explores the story of Nigeria pre and post colonisation. We read about the Ibo culture, we see fathers, husbands and their relationships with their families in the Ibo town called Ibuza. Then there is relocation to Lagos to find jobs and how that changes these men and their relationships. Characters - there are so many great characters in this book, from the great hunter Agbadi and the young and proud Ona that captures his heart to the daughter that becomes the mother, Nnu Ego and even the young characters like Oshia. There are plots within plots in this book. The writing style is very accessible and enjoyable and your brain is sure to be stimulated by the stories within this story. A couple of quotes I liked: “Yet the more I think about it, the more I realise that we women set impossible standards for ourselves. That we make life intolerable for one another. I cannot live up to your standards, senior wife. So I have set my own.” Adaku. “But who made the law that we should not hope in our daughters? We women subscribe to that law more than anyone. Until we change all this, it is still a man’s world, which women will always help to build.”