Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby

This book has changed my life with my 10 week old in 4 days, and still getting better. I had started with Dr. Sears and attachment parenting and have the added complication of a reflux baby- his reflux made him want to eat all the time (some don't like to eat because of pain and some think, my tummy hurts, I am hungry). I definitely fell into the accidental parenting complex the book warns against- on demand feeding meant feeding everytime he cried- and for the most part it quieted him but I was going crazy and he would scream in the evenings. He was still waking up to eat every 2 hours and we were so sleep deprived! Some people, especially second time+ parents may be comfortable enough in reading cues that this seems silly to them, but for me and I am sure other first time parents it can be confusing. Dr. Sears Baby book made me think that by doing "Attachment parenting and feeding on demand" I would be able to better read my baby cues- for me that wasn't the case. After reading this I had several Eureka moments! My son's crying in the evenings wasn't due to pain or reflux or hunger...he gets overtired and overstimulated by that point in the day and I've been missing his cues that he is tired. He was taking cat naps all day downstairs on the couch with me, usually being held or eventually I would try to put him down with a 40% success rate. I wasn't getting anything done during the day and trying to plan Dr. visits, other appts was a nightmare. This book has really helped me learn to read my sons cues, get him to sleep on his own in his own bed, and teaches me what to do if I miss our sleepy window and he goes into meltdown mode. Within the second night of following her suggestions he went 9:30-2 pm without a feeding and then 2-5. We're working slowly to make sure he is really hungry when he wakes up and sometimes that means getting him back to bed without a bottle (rather than taking the easy way out and feeding him so I don't have to get up again in an hour) and it seems to be working. Her EASY routine advocates eating then activity and sleep so you don't get into a eat=sleep pattern (guilty!). I am not a "schedule" person and was really hesitant as soon as I saw schedule in her book but realized it wasn't all that bad and not a rigid timeline but more a guideline for your day. After analyzing the log for a couple of days I was able to see his sleep patterns to know we usually have a couple of short naps 9ish and 11ish- a long one at 1-2:30 and another long one from about 4-5:30. We were not putting him to bed for the night until 9:30 now we have him out for the night around 7-7:30 with a "dream feed" before I go to bed. Yesterday my husband was amazed when I was completely dressed with a clean house and dinner being made because I now can use those more efficient nap times to get things done and most importantly he seems WAY happier. I am getting more smiles and less fuss which means even when he is awake he is in a better mood and I can put him down and walk away for a few minutes to make myself a cup of tea, or lunch or take a phone call. I definitely recommend following up with either her The Baby Whisperer Answers All Your Questions or the ones specifically on breastfeeding and sleep- for me the sleep one ($2.99 on Kindle) was great because they offer a little more detail which I think was lacking from this book so consider this a good basis and if you need more help the other books might be worth looking at for extra guidance. I also think some people who are very pro-breastfeeding are looking at her advice the wrong way and getting offended. I am breastfeeding and bottle feeding (mostly breast) but it's been hard and I found her attitude toward it refreshing- she is not against breastfeeding at all but says if you choose to go formula for whatever reason (for many the lack of autonomy can be really hard- as it was for me) that she thinks it's okay to supplement or do formula all together. I think if she seems to lean more against breastfeeding it's to help balance what most women are hearing more of the time- that they are bad parents if they don't breastfeed.She just advises you do your homework and realize that certain groups you get advice from may have their own agenda either way and then follow through getting a pediatrician and support network that follows the decision you've made. SUMMARY:this is a great book for a new parent! It helps to distinguish your baby's crys and learn to read their cues which is easier if you are giving the child some structure to their day. It's a loving approach (no cry it out) but disciplined. I would almost use the word "Structured" more than "Disciplined" which sounds harsher. This will help your baby learn to self sooth. I've had to help my baby get to sleep (especially if I miss the early tired cues) but slowly I am getting to a point where I can sit with him quietly for a few minutse until he starts to get that really "glazed" look in his eye and then lay him down in his crib and let him do the rest and I am enjoying more me time and have a happier child!

[...] What are “Combination Sleep Schedules“? They are considered to be compromises between “Parent-led” and “Baby-led” methods. According to Babycenter.com, “…combination schedules provide the consistency that babies and parents need without the hassle of a more rigid, timed-to-the-minute routine.” The best example of the method is Tracy Hogg’s “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer“, co-written by Melinda Blau. Word to the Whisperer I argue (here, and here, for example) that pretty much everybody in the baby sleep world offers some kind of compromise between both camps. It’s only a matter of degree. But Hogg (who left us far too early in 2004) provides us with the best explanation of a common-sense baby care, spun in a Yorkshire accent. Combination or Common Sense? I will not be the first reviewer to point out that, for all it’s acronyms and British accents, “Baby Whisperer” essentially offers good old-fashioned common sense. As such, Hogg places herself in the tradition of Ben Spock. Hogg concludes her book, in part, like this: My wish for you is to relish every moment, even the tough ones. My goal is to give you not merely information or skills, but something even more important: confidence in yourself and in your own ability to solve problems. Sound familiar? It should. It’s a version of Spock’s famous “Trust Yourself” formula that rocked the parenting world fifty years prior. By 2001, it was old-fashioned advice! But the book is not entirely derivative, and there is even a fair amount of innovation (Hogg’s acronyms, E.A.S.Y., and S.L.O.W. (see below) are unique, as far as I know). Her major contribution to the field is her emphasis on parents paying attention to their babies, engaging them in a kind of conversation. Hogg is on to something here. It is almost certainly the case that human communication begins at a very early age, perhaps the earliest of ages. Hogg is right to suggest to parent that they appreciate the “messages” that their babies send them, and to communicate back in real human language. My only quibble with Hogg’s suggestion is her tendency to echo an annoying pattern of speech in which parents refer to themselves in the third person. “Mummy will be right back”. “Mummy doesn’t like it when you do that”. Pronouns are hard. Pronouns are hard for anybody learning a language, even their first language. Anybody learning a new language knows that you understand more than you speak at every point along the learning curve. Children understand you when you say “I” and “me”. They will muff the pronouns when they try them out, but they understand you. For heaven’s sake, people, if we are to converse respectfully with our children, let us respect their ability to understand pronouns! S.L.O.W. Down and Take it E.A.S.Y. Hogg doesn’t say this explicitly, so I just did it for her: Baby Whisperer philosophy is based on slowing down, taking deep breaths, and listening to your baby. Both acronyms, as corny as they sound, help anxious hurried parents get to know their babies. S = Stop; L = Listen; O = Observe; W = What’s up? (Hey, she needed a “W”, right?) In other words, absorb what you’ve heard and seen and evaluate what’s going on for your baby. It’s a bracingly simple and effective tool. I wish I had such an acronym to recite while walking the floor with my colicky first-born! Cleverness aside, it’s important to remember that your baby is a human being that is learning to interact with the world via communication. Hogg reminds us we do better to start early. Another of Hogg’s contributions to the baby sleep literature is her clever E.A.S.Y. acronym. E = Eat; A = Activity; S = Sleep; Y = You. The innovation is the insertion of activity between eating and sleeping. This way, parents will avoid the temptation to allow their babies to develop bad sleep associations. To do this, it’s important to separate feeding from the moment of sleep. The activity needn’t be anything stimulating: to the contrary, stimulation prior to sleep is never a good thing. Hogg recommends changing the diaper, singing a song, reading a book, etc. As for the “Y”, I suspect Hogg needed another letter to spell a nice word. Otherwise, I can’t see why she included it. Hogg really doesn’t need to tell mothers to eat, take a shower, sleep, etc. She doesn’t go as far as Baby Wise Gary Ezzo, who recommends “Date Night” for parents. Indeed, for parents without extended family or disposable income to pay a baby sitter, the latter really isn’t possible. Hogg’s Hollywood clientele could afford it perhaps, but not us normal folk. Surely mothers need to care for themselves, otherwise they’d soon be incapable of taking care of their babies. I’m just not sure they need to be told this. I’m going to stick with the suggestion that she needed the letter “Y”. One More Abbreviation Hogg ends the book with an excelling “troubleshooting” chapter, featuring the mnemonic ABC. A = Antecedent. What came before the sleep problem? (Kudos to Hogg for using the word “antecedent”: it’s a dying word, I fear). B = Behavior. What is your baby’s part in starting this sleep problem? C = Consequences. What was kind of pattern resulted from A and B? Usually, the problem to be solved is a bad sleep association, and Hogg walks us through the disassociation process. But I suspect that the ABC method could help unpack other sleep problems as well. Finally As I’ve said before, I’m a lumper and not a splitter. And as such I’ve argued that we’re all basically “combination schedulers” now. I say this because experts from Ezzo at the parent-led end of the spectrum, to Sears at the baby-led end, all recommend following a baby’s cues, but providing her with structure. To Tracy Hogg’s credit, she says this explicitly. We’re all Baby Whisperers now. Or we should be anyway.

This is one of the better books I've read, which offers advice to new parents. Certainly helped us much more than "Happiest Baby on the Block"! Although, when reading, like one reviewer said, take it with a grain of salt! I read this book cover to cover in 3 days and quite enjoyed it, which is rare for a sort of self-help type book. A lot of the information I found interesting, a lot I found thought-provoking, some I found helpful, some I found made no sense to me and I ignored those parts. Basically this book goes over "EASY"- Tracy's guide to newborns. E is for eating, A for activity, S for sleep and Y for you. She goes over each area in much detail, as the book is 300+ pages. Ideally, if you could have the perfect baby who would always follow your lead, this book might work like a charm. However, babies are all different and I know from my own that setting a strict routine just wouldn't work (I've tried). But, I have managed a slight routine for us, as he's only 2 months, although I had that going before I read the book. Here's what I liked and disliked about the book: It reminds us that babies are "people" too, although I dont' think we need to take it as far as explaining every little thing to them, like asking for their permission to be picked up. I liked that it reminded me to not get the baby in a routine that we don't want to keep- ie sleeping in our bed every night. I liked that it gave examples of how to figure out what the baby is asking for- ie if he's tired, hungry, needs to be burped etc. There's actually a long list of signs- like if his head is nodding from side to side he's sleepy or if his tongue is curling up he has gas or pain. However, this part you can't trust 100%. My baby- would exhibit 3 signs, all pointing to different causes!!! I was confused more than ever!! There was also a list that described cries to tell what the baby needs, but I didn't find this helpful either. But believe me, I wish I did- I wish my baby was the perfect "textbook" according to her and her lists were right on- how simple and wonderful that would be! There were a lot of important things pointed out though, pit-falls that parents can fall into without realizing. For instance, I know even myself as a new mom, first you get used to the fact that when he cries he wants to eat, but as he gets older, I needed to remember that perhaps it isn't always hunger. I also found the sleeping chapter helpful, and am currently using it to help get my little one into a better sleep pattern. It's not working miracles, like the book claims, but it is helpful and I'm hoping that soon it will be smooth sailing. Overall, I'd recommend this book, but I'd caution people that it's just not the be-all, end-all answer. I do like the tone of the book though, it makes me want to invite Tracy into my home and help with my little one because I do think a lot of what she says makes sense and is worthwhile.

So glad if this book helps anyone else. I purchased it over a month ago. I was having a very rough time with our first child! It was excruciatingly difficult for me to get into the swing of things. I was overstimulating and under stimulating, over tiring, over feeding, projecting, you name it. I fear that I fumbled and failed almost as miserably as I could if I neglected my little miss. But, nearly three months down the road, I'm finally in a routine and it is working well for all of us. My daughter is now doing so well that I've already forgotten all our previous troubles! As far as the baby personality profile quiz in the book, I think that sort of thing may be more helpful when a baby is at least a few weeks, rather than days old. I wouldn't have been able to answer the personality questions without knowing my daughter, and I didn't know her at first. Besides, infants change so much over the first two weeks as they adjust to life outside. However, if the general tips are followed, maybe the personality isn't so important to know right away. For me, when I was reading the book, I could tell more what kind of person our daughter is by the different ways she was freaking out when I accidentally ignored or misinterpreted her cues. Immediately, with just 60 pages read, our baby was more rewardingly engaging and ready to learn. She simply needed to be properly understood. She is very reactive to environmental stimuli and needs more physical space than we and other family were giving her. Turns out, she is only very cuddly when overstimulated, so if she's clingy, she's trying to hide and rough night to come! She requires a lot of one on one interaction, I knew that, but is also easily over stimulated and tires easily. Our poor little girl can't even eat properly when she is tired. I was seeing a lactation consultant, had ped visits up the you know what. I was told she had allergies and was reacting to something in my milk (I was eating the most depressingly bland diet!). I was told she had colic. I was told that I had a milk let-down reflex so fast it was gagging the poor dear. . . she has reflux. Well, less than three days on the E.A.S.Y. routine (our daughter surprisingly requires at least 5 daily naps!), no more colicky baby, no more nursing difficulties and I have enough time to get most things done before my husband gets home (that includes a boost in personal hygiene, Ha!). And the crazy thing, the hardest thing to convince others about, she sleeps more at night the more she sleeps during the day! Seriously! My girl falls asleep three hours earlier than before the E.A.S.Y. routine (now 8 pm), but still gets up at the same time in the morning! Life before Secrets, once our daughter started crying she would become progressively more difficult to calm, and eat more and more poorly through out the day, screaming, gagging, beating at my chest. Every day was a downward spiral. At night she would wake over, and over, and over in rapid succession. It was getting ridiculous! I was becoming terrified for what each new day would bring me. But now I can't wait to get up in the morning and see that precious and tiny smiling face : ) Before this book, I was unable to tell if she was tired or overstimulated before it was too late. Hopefully, anyone else would get the book earlier than I (two and a half months) and, if they end up with a very sensitive child like ours, know what to look for before before daily exasperating melt downs ensue. After applying what I learned from this book, my daughter immediately started trying to talk more and smiles increased exponentially! And after giving her the space I began to recognize she needed, she has become more tolerant and appreciative of cuddles. So, she is happy. I am happy (was feeling quite depressed). Our daughter still has reflux, but it really doesn't bother her unless she is getting tired. Now she even laughs at my reaction when she spits up! I had no idea that she needed so many naps, or how to tell when she needed one before she started crying. I LOVE THE BOOK!!!!!! Thank you Tracy for your gift!!!! And bless you kind woman! Read the book and share the word!

And every parent necessity this is as important as diapers when you have a baby. It is basic common sense put into the frazzled mind of a new parent or even a parent who’s had 12 kids this book is still a must have for the number 13 it will make life so much easier all around incredible book

I am very surprised at the spotlight reviewers who had trouble with this book. As a mom of a 3yr old, a 2yr old, a 1yr old, and one more on the way, I have to say that Tracy Hogg's book is the best one on newborns in my library. It is a refreshing middle-of-the-road read, somewhere between the 1920s way of authority-centered parenting and the 2000s way of child-centered or attachment parenting. She really recommends a balance between both--VERY difficult to find in a normal American baby book these days--where both mom and baby have their unique needs met at this tender time. Specifically, Hogg recommends not letting your baby cry it out or go hungry, but not to assume that all cries mean hunger. From experience, you soon find out that nursing or sticking a bottle in a crying infant's mouth works well only for mall trips and doctor's offices. There is much more to raising a baby and beginning a relationship than feeding. Hogg does NOT give breastfeeding the short thrift--she simply focuses on trying to lift the guilt burden which is placed on most American mothers these days. Her book is not a lactation consultant lesson. Hogg also gives great advice on how to get your baby to nap and sleep at night, again taking the middle-of-the-road approach between not letting a child cry it out but not accepting it as normal either (and rearranging your life permanently in order to pacify your baby-toddler-preschooler through the night). After four straight years of baby-raising, and talking with many many mothers on the subject, I can say that any parent who does not welcome this straight-forward type of advice if they are having trouble in this area--any mother who considers helping their child nap and sleep well in their crib to be "cruel" or "demanding"--is way off target. No psychological damage will be done if Hogg's advice is followed... in fact, some sanity may be reclaimed! Her input on baby personality types is great. Helpful, if not perfect, especially in retrospect. And yet the one thing I agree that could have been addressed better is the discussion of the earliest newborn days. After nursing three tiny ones of my own and adopting a more parent-centered approach to their young years, I still find that the first week or two of having a new infant is up for grabs. There should be no pressure to begin a routine until mom feels capable and perceives the baby to be ready. Obviously one can be started, but I think it is worth strongly mentioning in a newborn book that some parents find the transition to bringing their little one to be very difficult--for any number of reasons, including just normal recovery. And the implementation (or not) of a routine does not affect the baby much in those first days. Overall, however, I find Hogg's book to be so much more encouraging than Sears, Ezzo, or even the AAP's book on the first year. She's upbeat and experienced, and so common sensical that it is difficult to believe that there have been so many complaints on this site. Read it with relief.

Pros: Formatted well, suggestions are easy to understand and employ Don't be fooled, this is essentially a gentler version of cry it out. I believe the Ferber method is effective, but I was not comfortable with leaving the room. Understand that your baby will cry, but this method allows it to happen the comfort of your arms and the warmth of your presence. This method (as with any other sleep training method) works, but it's not for the faint of heart. It takes time, consistency and persistence for results. Cons: Did not work for my child until he was about 4 months (happiest baby on the block is more suitable for newborns and baby whisperer is a nice transition. A bit of a condescending tone Can't see it working for a high needs/colicky baby. Her advice feels counter intuitive especially if you're a new parent (ie, she calls very natural and instinctive soothing methods such as rocking to sleep "accidental parenting". ) Summary: I read this book before my son was born and was ready to put the techniques in practice. I followed the method to a t, but only ended up with a poor baby who has lost his voice from all the crying. So I tucked the book away and followed my instincts. I adopted the attachment parenting lifestyle and rocked, sang, held and cuddled my baby whenever he wanted it. he did not like being put down so we wore him during naps or held him in our arms. " happiest baby on the block" was a more valuable read for caring for our newborn. At night, we Co slept, against the advice of many who warned "you'll never get him out of your bed". I believe this gave our son the sense of security he needed to develop independence. I knew we wanted to sleep train him eventually, but only when he was ready for it. We were also ready to embrace the AP lifestyle for the long haul if needed. However, somewhere between 3 to 4 months, during a looong drive my son (who hates his car seat) actually fell asleep in the car! Normally, he would cry until someone took him out. During subsequent trips, he started falling asleep faster, which was essentially inadvertently crying it out. So I tried the Ferber method... And swore it off the very next day. After being so attached and close to my baby, I couldn't stand the thought of him being left alone in the room to cry. So I dusted off by baby whisperer book and gave it a go. I liked that I could comfort my baby while cried. We are less than one week into it and it's working great. We sidecarred our crib so that he is still easily accessible for nursing and comforting and I'm always right by his side as he makes his transition (although this probably goes against the recommendations of the book). There is also a great baby whisperer community online to help with any questions you might have from the book. (depending on your learning style, you may not even need the book at all) In the end, listen to your baby first, before you listen to any one book. remember that he is a human being with needs and feelings. The experts have never met your baby and didn't write the books for your particular baby. once you get to know him, pick and choose pieces from each sleep training methodology and customize a plan that works for him.

I work as a postpartum doula (aka 'Baby Nurse'). This book is my textbook and I recommend it to all my mommas and have used its principles for the babies with consistent success. In a nutshell, Tracy Hogg's recommend a simple routine that begins with eating, followed by activity (playtime), and then nap. This routine is repeated every 2-4 hrs. You will know what baby is crying for if she is on a routine and you know that since you just fed her, what she is crying for is not more food, but probably sleep! Tracy's mantra is 'Start as you mean to go on.' If you want your 8 month old baby to sleep only in mommas arms, do it when they're 1 wk old! But if you want to be able to lay baby down in the crib and leave him to peacefully fall asleep for naps and bedtime, you've got to get them used to doing it from the beginning. There's no crying-it-out or heartless rigid schedules, but neither is there a 'baby's running the show' and momma's surviving on 2 hrs of sleep at night. When it's bedtime for baby, Tracy recommends a simple technique called 'Pick-up-put-down', where whenever baby cries, you pick her up only until she stops crying, then put her back in bed immediately. After doing this enough times, baby gets tired and falls asleep. In just a few days of doing this consistently, baby need less and less of this, until she is contentedly soothing herself to sleep in her own crib. I will say, not only does this stuff make sense, it works. And for me, it pays! People will pay $200 a day to have me stay in their home and sleep train their baby! (Of course they could just buy the 1 cent book off Amazon and read and follow it themselves... But some people can afford to pay someone to help, and I'm happy they hire me!) One baby I helped was a 7 month old, breastfeeding baby boy. He was nursing on demand, sleeping only 20 min max at a time during the day. During the night he was up 4-7 times in an 8 hr period of time. His momma was ragged and exhausted as she tried to satisfy his needs while keeping up with a 3 yr old and helping with the family business as well. He was a chubby 21 lb bundle of smiles, so there was not an issue of hunger going on. He just didn't know how to self soothe himself to sleep. He knew only how to nurse himself to sleep. Then the slightest disturbance would wake him back up and he didn't know how to drift back to sleep. Well, using the pick-up-put-down methods to put him back down in bed, combined with a good routine as outlined by Tracy Hogg, by the end of a week, this little guy was taking 1 long nap (2.5 hrs) and 2 shorter 45 min- 1 hr naps during the day and sleeping a solid 11 hrs at night! And he was so much happier--no more fussy, fussy. And he had a rested, happy momma.

I found this book by chance, I was a first time mom and living alone with my husband but no help around. So I looked for suggestions, and found this. Absolutely amazing, she's spot on on everything. I found it useful and practical. The way she talks about babies and helps to understand them it's amazing. I have been recommended it to all my friends, who became mom after me.

Still reading it, but I find it a bit outdated in some of the teachings and instructions. I don't like much the attempt to necessarily categorise babies, and some advices regarding sleep and breastfeeding don't seem to take into account that some people may have difficulties in breastfeeding, and this may induce a sleeper or more active behaviour on the baby. Author just suggest to move ahead with the EASY method, regardless. I also don't like much the excessive self-referential tone, and the writing style, reporting family examples as educational examples.... I'll see if I change my opinion when u finish the book.

Good read

I was recommended this book from a mama friend and highly recommend. The tools provided really changed how I arranged my kiddos day and I feel really helped him sleep! It may not be for everyone, but I found it to be a middle ground book and have definitely recommended to other mamas.

This is my favourite book for parents. I wish I had read it before giving birth to my son. But even now it helped me a lot. I liked the practical advice. Some criticize the author's style, but I felt it was written by a more experienced woman who may call me "luv" etc. and it is very supportive. While reading, I imagined that she is a female relative who knows how to treat babies. After I introduced methods from this book to my 4 month old son, he started to eat better, to sleep without bouncing and to cry much much less. I learned to understand him and his needs much better. So, this is extremely valuable book for all new parents!