How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen

Ok, so I’ve been wanting to write a review for this book since I received it – when it first came out – but I can’t find it in my house. I think that my child took it and is reading it so that he can learn all our tricks. Haha. My child doesn’t actually read yet but I am lucky I did before it went missing because it has done no less than change my relationship with him. How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen is full of great, doable advice that is general enough for any situation, but with specific examples so that you know exactly what the authors are trying to explain. The real-life examples could easily have come from my family. For example, the child who wants something that fell into a crack in his car seat and it is inaccessible to him and to me, the driver. Joanna and Julie give great advice on how to respond to difficult situations with little kids that could easily cause a major meltdown. For example, when the thing falls into the crack in the car seat and I can’t reach it, in the past my child would start yelling and screaming and then move into a full-on tantrum. I always felt that I had two choices: 1: I could pull over and stop, get out of the car, open the door where his car seat is, and retrieve the thing. That would stop the tantrum before it starts, but it would teach him that he is welcome to have his way whenever he threatens me with a tantrum. Or, 2: I could not get the thing, tell him to live with it for the 10 minutes (or whatever) until we get to where we are going. That response would surely invite crying escalating, into a full-on, inconsolable tantrum as the ride went on. I would have to listen to the screaming for the whole ride and then deal with it when we got to where we are going. Julie and Joanna suggest a great third response: agree with my child that the thing is really important. Tell him that I wish I could reach the car seat to retrieve it. Then really get dramatic with it: talk about having a button on the dashboard that I could just push and a hundred of those things would magically appear! And then ask what we could do with a hundred of those things, until my child is so caught up in the fantasy that he has forgotten how much he wants the thing and we get to where we are going safe, sound, and happy. I’ve actually had to do this a number of times since reading the book. My child’s response still amazes me every time! It sounds like magic, but it’s not. It is a way of listening to your child and validating his/her experience. How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen gives lots of ideas, stories and examples of how to do this in any number of difficult situations. I do want to be clear, this isn’t magic, and sometimes even the best skills don’t produce sunny results. But more often than not, as a result of the skills I was able to pick up from this book, I can at least head off tantrums and other bad behavior before it starts, even if my child isn’t all smiles.

This is probably one of the best books I’ve read about parenting yet. It has renewed my faith in good parenting material. I read it again every time I feel myself slip into the old way of reacting and overreacting to bad behavior. The other day my daughter had the worst tantrum I’ve seen yet. She was shouting into the neighborhood with the door open at one point. I didn’t react with my best form, and she only escalated. What my grandpappy and grandmappy may tell as advice was not working. So I reread the book, used some tools from the toolbox. And they are working (again) to develop a relationship with my kids. And that is part of the importance of this book. We are developing trust with our kids, no matter how strong a personality they have. (I have one with and one without a strong personality.) She is currently doing well with us but I have a feeling I will need to reread this book several times and even purchase the other versions for older kids and adolescents as well. I don’t want that to seem like I worship this book or anything. Not everything works. But it is a huge box of potential tools that MAY work. To be given the reason why kids do what they do makes this book is amazing. And it was written by having focus groups that reported their successes and failures over a long period of time. So it’s basically been crowdsourced before that was a buzzword. Which means it’s not just one idea, it’s multiple stories of what works and what doesn’t. And it’s been well organized in its presentation so that learners like me can reference back so much better. The stories come from parents who want good relationships with the most important people in their lives—their kids.

I wish I could give this book 10 stars out of 5! At age 53, I've had my 2.5 yo and 5 yo nephew and niece sort of paradrop into my life as an auntie, a pseudo-parental figure who's having to work to catch up quickly on figuring it all out. This book is GOLD. I bought in hard copy rather than Kindle, and took a highlighter to it like it's a college textbook, also making notes in the margins. I'm passing it around my household and others in our "village" of raising kids together. The best thing I got from it is the reminder that children will develop their problem solving skills, and conflict resolution methods from the actions of adults while they're young. The tools in this book not only get us through the moments that are challenging for parental figures right now -- but they're going to teach the kids how to resolve these situations on their own later. GOLD, I tell you! We've had such immediate success with, "Let's make a list of 3 things we like/dislike about [whatever the desired but unavailable subject is]" -- "Let's draw a picture of [the desired thing or person that's unavailable right now]" -- and progressively more success with just acknowledging and labeling feelings. I really enjoy how the book encourages "acknowledging" and "accepting" feelings rather than "validating," which I think is an important and refined difference. I can't thank the authors enthusiastically enough, or recommend this book to interested readers with enough confidence.

So my first impression of this book was negative. But upon further reflection I do see the value in this, especially with younger children or delayed children who have trouble navigating conflict. I like how this book helps us to teach and model problem solving in lieu of the knee jerk reaction of remedial punishment. It is a discipline that will grow parents and educate children. Remedial punishment should be a last resort, and hopefully one that can be avoided. Problem solving is a valuable life skill, and I know that when I see other parents use 'clever' ways to help their child work their way through conflict, I look on with admiration. There is no resentment, there is listening, there is communication, and then there are the tools put in place on how to handle the difficulty in the future. All good things!

I had read the original "How to Talk..." book when my first child was under 1. I loved it. A lot of the principles in that book are consistent in this book but this is focused on younger children (as the title indicates) and it is so helpful to hear the information focused on small kids' brains. It is filled with wonderful insights, and for me in many cases, important reminders, now that I have a 2 year old - 5 years after my first daughter. I WISH so much that every parent was required to read this book - particularly those who believe, as I once did (although thankfully in my pre-child years), that spanking is an effective form of discipline! I give it as a gift to any expecting parents with the advice that 'this book is very important to read and will allow you to understand and connect with your child in a strong way. It also helps you understand their reactions and feelings which will truly improve you as a parent'. This book has helped strengthen my parenting ability so much and I have had so many light bulb moments when listening to this book (via audible). I listen to some chapters multiple times so I love using audible - plus I have 2 children (2 and 7) and a full time job so audible works best for busy parents!

This book has changed my relationship with my children and my partner. I learned to lead with empathy, disrupt tantrums before they happened, and relax into my role as a parent. My relationship with my kids is suddenly playful and loving where before it was tense and frustrating. My partner is on board too (though he didn't read the book himself) and it's so much fun to watch him connect so seemingly effortlessly with our kids, and them adoring him. And the best part -- the kids have learned some phrases and tactics from us, and are being nicer to each other!

A few helpful tools in this book. I thought this would be a good read, glad I could come across these other options for communicating with my little ones.

Best book I’ve ever read when it comes to any child. If someone asked me what my top 3 favorite books were, this would be in that category. Taught me soooo much useful information and has definitely helped with many situations. Every parent, teacher, caretaker, babysitter, daycare worker, and anyone who wants children in their future should definitely read this book. Absolutely love it.

I absolutely love this book and continue to reflect back on its key takeaways to help me embed the principles. I didn’t realise how much I was dismissing my 3 year old son’s emotions until reading this; the framing of an adult conversation really helped clarify and see how I needed to change my responses. It seems so obvious, yet I was stuck in my ways of a playful reply of ‘ah you don’t hate it, you had it yesterday’ not realising the harm it was doing. Within the first day of reading, I tried out some of the tools to try and get him to sit down to eat…and it worked, no more questions, no more running off to play, just willingness and acceptance. Surely this was a fluke. I continued over the following days to keep thinking back to the principles and try to implement them. It was a struggle in the moment as my brain wouldn’t always pick the right approach and remember what I had read (Mel Robbins ‘Let them theory’ came in handy a few times) but I would eventually figure out and remember the right type and they really helped. My biggest takeaway and reason I continue to reflect back on this though is that within the first week, there was a situation where my 3 year old was about to build up and get upset but using the steps and tools of the first section I recognised this and simply accepted his emotions instead of my usual palming off reply…and I’ll never forget the pause and look on his face as he finally felt that acceptance and clearly felt heard. I felt so mean that he clearly hadn’t felt this way before, yet so happy I now had this awareness moving forward. Physically seeing how much weight I took away in that moment has made me realise how something so small in my world makes such a big difference in his world; something highlighted throughout the book. This along with insight on how a simple rephrase of praise can have such a positive/negative impact on their future actions, I would 100% recommend this book to not only parents/guardians but any adult interacting with children. Our actions really do make a big difference.

If you have a little person in your life, you also need this little book. Beautifully written - entertaining, relevant, thoughtful and informative. The examples the author uses helps to ground her information. Being able to place yourself in your little one's shoes and seeing it from their point of view is highly insightful. The lessons in this book can be used not only with children ages 2-7 but with all our day to day relationships. I highly recommend 'How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7'.

This book literally change my life as a parent. My understanding is so much clearer and I feel more confident as a mother. I highly recommend and I wish every parent reads it!!

This book is life changing! Not only it gives you valuable tools to mitigate daily parenting needs, but your can also apply these techniques to adults too. As an introvert I always struggled to speak with people, but this book has given me some useful tools which are really life changing for me. I thank the authors for writing such a wonderful book. I'm planning to buy the rest of the books in the "How to talk" series.

How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen