Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

Maybe…this might be my most important book recommendation for you this year. The title…timely. The contents…convicting. Last week, while reflecting on issues of leadership character and humility, I found not one, but two copies on my bookshelf of “Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box.” I had never read the book (to my chagrin). So my wife read it first this weekend—and her praise was effusive. Then I read it. (Am I the only leader that missed this gem?) I should have read it years ago (and my former staff and family would agree). If you haven’t read the book—or leveraged the insights for your organization or family—drop everything and read “Leadership and Self-Deception.” Here’s why: REASON #1: SELF-DECEPTION IS RAMPANT. You don’t need this book to recognize how other leaders are blind to their own self-deception—but it will give you handles (and a practical metaphor) for understanding the blindness. REASON #2: I AM BLIND TO MY OWN BLINDNESS. Whew. (Did I mention “convicting” and serious gut-checking?) While trying to figure out the sin and self-deception in other leaders, I wondered, how did the authors insert mirrors on every convicting page? In Scott Rodin’s book, “The Steward Leader,” he reminds us, “If I could put one Bible verse on the desk of every pastor and every Christian leader in the world, it would be this: ‘If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us’ (1 John 1:8).” REASON #3: THE “BOX” METAPHOR. Powerful. Trust me—read and study this book with your team (and family) and you’ll be using the “box” metaphor within an hour. The second edition of “Leadership and Self-Deception” includes a short section on how to maximize the book’s impact. The authors list stunning (stunning!) examples of how the principles have transformed organizations (nonprofit and for-profit) and even police departments. In Japan, a word-of-mouth movement has launched “out-of-the-box” clubs. The business novel/fable/story format makes for an easy read (about three hours) with memorable characters, but—warning—it’s not a comfortable read. REASON #4: FAITH-BASED ALIGNMENT. While the principles of Leadership and Self-Deception are not faith-based per se—they actually are. For readers who are Christ-followers, you’ll salivate at the opportunity to integrate “Leadership and Self-Deception” with biblical wisdom. And speaking of alignment, you’ll appreciate how “Leadership and Self-Deception” enhances the insights, especially, of many other books I’ve reviewed, including The Cure: What if God isn't who you think He is and neither are you? The Advantage, Leaders Eat Last, Broken and Whole, Leading Me, Serve Strong, and What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There (to name just a few). REASON #5: REFRESHING HUMILITY—NO AUTHOR NAMES! Really! Published by The Arbinger Institute, these leaders practice what they preach—and share the credit for this book with all of their team members, including non-writers. Hence—author names are not revealed. (And note: the book has sold over one million copies.) So, could this book help you and your leadership team? Yes! From the authors: “…the myriad ways in which people have used this book and its ideas fall within five broad areas of application: “1) applicant screening and hiring, 2) leadership and team building, 3) conflict resolution, 4) accountability transformation, and 5) personal growth and development.”

Leadership and Self-Deception is written in narrative form, which makes it more impactful. This allows the author to further develop the conversations that introduce his ideas and to walk us through the thoughts and reactions of a person who’s hearing them for the first time. The conversations within the narrative can come off as a bit trite at times, but overall it works pretty well. I personally thought this book was very insightful for someone like myself who had not been introduced to these ideas before. Thus far, I have found the advice in this book to be true. For example, I work at a retail store and indirectly oversee about twenty employees. In general, everybody wants to do a good job at work and is usually willing to work hard to achieve that goal. While there may be many others in the workplace with problems, even productivity problems, fixing my problem of self-deception is the most important in an effort to increase productivity in those around me. Being aware of my own self-deception forces me to re-evaluate the ways I communicate with co-workers. I was immediately able to apply the concepts and ideas from this book to my current occupation. My interactions with employees at my store have improved now that I am aware of the underlying reasons that I look at or think of them in certain ways. Conversely, I can see why they view their superiors the way they do. In changing from an objective approach focused on production to a personal approach considering circumstances, I have seen improved responses and overall productivity from the people I oversee. The cyclical habits that we develop penetrate the workplace, relationships with family, friends, and even our home lives. The insights of this book can be applied to each of these areas as we realize that why, not what, we are doing matters most. In so doing, we are more able to build relationships and better manage our influence over those around us. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is frustrated with relationships at work or in life and wants to improve their ability to communicate with and influence others.

This is a pretty decent book, written in a "story" format - which I particularly enjoy. The premise of the book is that we as managers and people in general tend to be "in the box" when dealing with others, and view them as objects rather than people. There is a lack of true engagement and understanding from the perspective of the other person. This doesn't mean that you need to be soft or weak. Rather that you need to be engaged and committed to engagement. The focus needs to be on results, as opposed to on other people's shortcomings and perceived issues. The story bogs down a few times, and the end of the book seemed rushed and thrown together somewhat. However, the basic premises are helpfully summarized at the very end of the book - in the form of a fascimile of a card, on how to apply the material. In all, a decent perspective, an easy and somewhat entertaining read (love the format), and there's some good meat to chew on and ideas to make you think.

Background: I purchased this book on Amazon, knowing the different insight and approach to leadership. Currently, I am in College and I don't quite have a position in a business organization or company, but I do have to prepare myself and become better at getting the best out of my fellow school organization officers. In a few months, I will be the President of a cultural club on campus, and I've encountered several situations when I felt that my leadership and way of treating people could have improved. That's where this book came in and changed my perspective and outlook on treating people. The book does start off a little bit slow and dry, but it builds on considerably after a very can-relate-with -the-leader type of a story. Also, the pictures are very helpful in this book(who doesn't love pictures when you're trying to learn something?). Overall, the conversational style of the book is very easy to read and understandable. I don't feel lectured; I feel like someone experienced is talking to me personally and telling me all of this invaluable advice, and leaving me with the choice of what I can now do with the knowledge. Progressing through the book, many examples appear (You'll have to read that yourself). Constantly, again and again, the motiff seems to be that it's not always about OTHERS, but it's about you, yourself. Sure, people have problems and can become a problem, but it's not helpful to the situation in provoking others (another motiff). Ultimately, when we become angry or treat someone in not the most nicest, fair, or helpful way, we are betraying ourselves. We all have values, virtues, and morals, and when we act out of character in treating someone, you betray yourself, hindering progress, and in turn, creating problems. At the end, there is a list that tells us what we can't do when we're in the box (In short, in the box means that we betray ourselves, provoke others, act against what we feel is right, and justify problems) When we are in the box (basically, we betray ourselves) You cannot: 1) Change others 2) Do your best to "cope" with others 3) Leaving 4) Communicating 5) Implementing new skills or techniques 6) Changing my behavior Once you finish this book, and perhaps reread it, you will understand why you cannot do the stated guidelines. Overall: This is definitely a good read and a life-changing book. I haven't read such a book before. Read it now! It will help you whether or not you need it at the moment. You won't regret it!

I became interested in this from the title, both the "Leadership" and "Self-Deception" parts. I became more interested in it after reading many of the reviews. I did not know what to expect and so plowed through the audiobook version, having the book version close by to go over things again, in more detail, or for a visual presentation of the charts that are referenced. It was kind of funky in the beginning, but I stuck with it. Actually, it was a fast read--a few hours one afternoon. I thought the Self-Deception descriptions were very valuable. What I did not expect was the amount of time spent on Self-Betrayal. I think this was the hinge that made everything else understandable. It also really promoted a great deal of self-examination, introspection, and honesty. The crux of what this teaches is that none of our relationships can work and be real if we treat the other as an object in any way. The whole basis of our interactive, interpersonal world has to be based on treating another as a person, with dignity. The authors show how unknowingly we deceive ourselves each time we need to justify our own behavior towards another. This is a response to something we do not see or grasp. We are all blind to this, for the most part. We begin to blame and inflate things terribly. How quick are we to blame? The quicker, the more we need what this book teaches. Once there is blame, you can be sure we have betrayed ourselves and what we value in one way or another, and this is something we must then look at. Surprisingly, the idea of this book about how we need to see and treat others dovetailed with two other books I was reading for totally different purposes: The Context of Holiness: Psychological and Spiritual Reflections on the Life of Saint Therese of Lisieux , and How Far to Follow: The Martyrs of Atlas (Cistercian Studies) . You may not agree with me on this, but I think it was very clear. No doubt this is something that must be present in all aspects of our lives if we are to enter meaningful relationships: at work, in school, at home--you name it. As some have said, the "box" stuff can seem a little difficult to follow or understand. It does begin to make sense, however, as you make progress through the book.

I really enjoyed this book (and its sequel, "The Anatomy of Peace"). Unlike so many self-help books I've skimmed through in book stores, "Leadership and Self-Deception" does more than just give you tips or tactics. Reading this book encourages you to think deeply about the way you treat others, the way you view yourself, and the control we all have (but take for granted) over our relationships with others. This book encourages a change in the reader and provides a framework for considering that change. It doesn't spell out every answer or take a one-size-fits-all approach, preferring you find your own answer. In recommending the book to others, I've often referred to the movie "City Slickers" when Curly says the secret of life is "one thing....", is asked what that thing is, and answers "That's what *you* have to find out." I've read other books where the author seems more intent on convincing you he or she is right than actually conveying information helpful to the reader. This book is very different--with little introduction it launches into a fictional story of an executive getting an introduction to the unique culture of his new employer. By accompanying the fictional character through his journey of self-discovery, readers go through their own such process. I cannot imagine a person who cannot benefit from reading this book. I read it three months ago, and I can see clearly the positive changes I've been able to make in my relationships at home and at work. Anyone who approaches this book with serious intent and the willingness to reflect on themselves will find themselves better prepared to create and sustain relationships, be happier, and become a more successful and caring leader.

He has read this book once alone and is now reading it together with me. He is a different man than he was just three months ago partially due to this book and how it's written. I am a mental health therapist so I often stop reading self help books because they are often too simplified and shallow for my taste. This book is written in a "novel" flavor, lots of dialog. It is using very simple language to express empowering and deep concepts of how we can so easily treat others as objects without realizing how painful it is for others. I found myself in tears many times as my husband would read a paragraph that would describe what has been going on in a relationship for almost a decade. It is all so subtle I could not find words that made sense to him and over time I became withdrawn and guarded. We are still reading the book and almost done with it now. We have had hours of meaningful and healing discussions and now we are closer than we've ever been. This book is about working in business, which is what he does. It's about how to be a better manager and boss. The principles are easily transferred to any relationship. I whole-heartedly recomend this book for anyone who craves meaningful connections with others, especially if you are a man or have trouble understanding how to be an authority figure and yet stay heart-connected with your family and those with whom you need to manage or supervise.

I was excited about this book; excited to learn about thinking outside of the box! From the get go this book reads like a story about a man moving to a rival tech company and chronicling his time there. I have tried twice to read this book and twice I get to about half way when I just have to stop. The majority of the beginning talks about this man and his conversations with his boss over which seems like one work day. His boss is talking to him fairly condescending asking him questions (which is a good strategy) but maybe the way I am reading it is not the way the author intended. The executive tells the manager he is thinking inside of the box, but does not know he is inside of the box which I can understand people who need to change their thinking often do not realize their way of thinking may not be the best. I am not an official book reviewer, and outside of a half-dozen published papers I have not written a book. While I appreciate the author putting their efforts into this philosophy of thinking outside of the box it just took me a long time to even understand the concept. It is not a bad book and I know people love it like I love "Start with Why" by Simon Sinek, in my opinion the tone through out is not something I agree with. I do agree that in our global society the concept of thinking outside of the box is a necessity for any leader to thrive. Hopefully I will muster the willingness to think outside of the box I am in and give this book another chance and read it to the end.

In my previous job assignment I had a big discussion with one of the members and blamed him for all. But after reading this I saw the mistakes I also made. Go on and give it a try, in the worst case it will give you a lot of personal growth towards your family.

Ein Buch, das man aus meiner Sicht gelesen haben muss und weiterempfehlen sollte. Ich selbst werde das Buch meinen Kolleginnen und Kollegen empfehlen und darum bitten, das Buch zu verstehen und anzuwenden. Das heißt, nicht nur das kollegiale Miteinander wird dadurch erhöht, sondern auch die eigene Erkenntnis über einen selbst und andere. Weiterhin gibt das Buch die passenden Empfehlungen dazu, vielleicht der Kollege, die Kollegin oder auch die Führungskraft zu werden, die viele von uns verdient haben.

Me gustó mucho el contenido de este libro, siento que quizá desperdician mucho papel al hacer la letra tan grande pero a mi me fue de mucho ayuda puesto que tengo problemas de visión.

This book is an absolute must read, regardless of the area you are seeking to apply it principles. I have taken training courses that have skimmed the surface of the principles in this book, however have not delved so deeply into the root fundimentals of the ideas. One particular phase I've heard in the industry I'm in is "My Fault Management". Others in my organization have been taught this to be, what have you dont to contribute to the problem or blame yourself for the outome of the situation. By viewing the concept in this way, they assign blame to themselves and tend to develope feelings of resentment towards others in the organization. This, I believe, helps lead them into "the box". On the other hand, I was taught this to mean, access the situation, identify where you have contributed to the undesired results, accept responsibly for your actions and move on to come up with ways to help you and others achieve the results you / your team are hoping to accomplish in the first place. This way, I believe, reduces the chances for you to enter irnto "the box" and therefore reduces the instances of your in box-ness leading others to the same fate. This book is absolutely pivotal in helping one build and maintain a successful operation. I look forward to reading The Arbinger Institute's other publications.

Me encanto el libro y supuso una experiencia genial descubrir lo fácil que resulta ser feliz cuando eres fiel a ti mismo. Sin engaños ni justificaciones. No vale arrepentirse de lo que uno hace, lo importante es cambiar eso que uno hace y que no le aporta felicidad. A mi este libro creo me ha enseñado a ser mejor persona con la gente que mas quiero. Mil gracias Pablo por la recomendación!