The Gifts of Imperfection: 10th Anniversary Edition: Features a new foreword and brand-new tools

-I originally bought this book in May of 2011. I can't remember exactly why it spoke to me, but I know I was looking for self esteem boosting books. I think maybe the title resonated because I realized I was having some trouble with perfectionism. Accepting mistakes, compassion for myself, forgiving myself, but also pushing forward to being a better person, a better worker, friend, girlfriend, etc. It resonates today because I see how much of a perfectionist I can be, and how much trouble I am having forgiving myself for past mistakes, and trying not to label myself because of them. I am having trouble sufficiently feeling the guilt enough to change, letting that feeling in, but then forgiving myself, and not letting those behaviors define who I am as a person. How did the book address this? -I think these quotes from the book really get to the heart of the message: "Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance.... Healthy striving is self-focused--How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused--What will they think?... Perfectionism is addictive because when we invariably do experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it's because we weren't perfect enough. So rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to live, look, and do everything just right." Brown, Brene (2010-09-20). The Gifts of Imperfection (p. 56-57). Hazelden. Kindle Edition. -What I got from this is that perfectionism tricks us into thinking we have it all: we can feel connected and invulnerable and in control. BUT, it is ultimately unsatisfying because it #1) it is a lie. We aren't in control or invulnerable, or perfect. And #2) it requires us to change who we are -- and the connection we most desire is a connection based on being truly known by another person. So in order to feel connected AND known, we have to accept the reality that we are imperfect, and we are vulnerable, and we are not in control. -And while connection is obviously a huge source of joy, Brene also talks about the other kinds of joy that perfectionism halts in its tracks: meaningful work, enjoyable hobbies, creative endeavors, etc. Again, because perfectionism tries to give us a sense of control, and thereby tries to prevent the possibility of loss, we often don't even try to have joyful things, or we deny the level of joy something is giving us in order to feel less hurt when it leaves. -And the book has a lot of great suggestions as to ways get past the feelings of inadequacy perfectionism is rooted in, and also ways to lean into the vulnerability of imperfection. Another great topic the book covered (and that it alerted me to) was the importance of shame as a barrier to self acceptance and love and joy. (But as you will see below, I really recommend its sister book for more on this piece). And I love Brene's emphasis on authenticity as a goal. It is fascinating and inspiring. Where I still don't feel resolution: -One of the things she mentions to get when you are feeling shame is getting connected, sharing your story. But I have a few concerns about that: -She doesn't explain in detail WHO has earned the right to hear your story and HOW to cultivate those friendships. If you are reading the book is stands to reason that you may very well not have those friendships. If you are cultivating your authenticity and dealing with feelings of inadequacy, you may have surrounded yourself with inauthentic and judgmental people because of your need for approval from these types. -Even if you are at some stage where you have a few compassionate and caring friends (which I do feel lucky enough to have), it requires them to always be open to your shame at the moment you need them without regard to the "stuff" they bring to the day. If you are feeling shame about X today, and so are they, your attempt at connection may trigger their shame even deeper and they will "imperfectly" push you away. I wanted her to talk more about those situations. It is great when you can have an empathetic ear to listen, and it feels amazing, but even with the world's best friends, you cannot always expect that will be available to you whenever you need it. -And then even if you catch your friends on a day where they are feeling great, or can be present to your needs and your shame, what if you are a "gusher," and you are at the beginning stages of dealing with your inadequacy issues, and you feel shame "a lot"? You can become an emotional drain to them, and push them away. I wanted some more information about self-soothing in shame situations, or how to manage connecting with friends in those moments. I am still not sure how I am going to be able integrate this intellectual understanding into a daily practice. When I do something "wrong", especially something I have done wrong a hundred times before, will I be able to lean into the guilt, instead of the shame? Will I be able to lean into the vulnerability? Will I be able to be present to the vulnerability around me? I know a big part of this is simply practice. And finding strategies that resonate. But the first step for me is an intellectual understanding, and this is certainly worth reading if that is something that is important to you. Supplementary Materials: - I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power : Brene's other book. Really great book about shame - I didn't know how important shame was until I read this, but trust me, it is very important and taught me a TON. - Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life :talks about the "gusher", but you can get the quick version in this article in the huffington post website called: Judith Orloff MD: Are You an Emotional Gusher? (Amazon won't let me post the link, but searching should easily pull it up)

Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection is an inspiring and transformative guide for anyone striving to embrace their true self in a world that often demands perfection. With her characteristic warmth, wit, and research-driven insights, Brown invites readers on a journey toward wholehearted living—a concept rooted in authenticity, courage, and self-compassion. One of the book’s most compelling aspects is its practicality. Brown doesn’t just talk about the importance of vulnerability, belonging, and worthiness; she provides ten actionable guideposts to help readers cultivate these qualities in their own lives. Whether it’s letting go of perfectionism, embracing play and rest, or practicing gratitude, each guidepost feels attainable and deeply relevant. Brown’s approach to topics like shame and self-worth is refreshingly honest. Her ability to weave personal anecdotes with academic research makes the book both relatable and credible. For instance, her exploration of self-compassion and shame resilience is particularly impactful, as it challenges societal norms while offering tools for emotional healing and connection. The book also excels in its tone and structure. It’s conversational without being superficial and reflective without being overly dense. Brown’s anecdotes and humor lighten the weight of the subject matter, making it an accessible read for diverse audiences. If there’s one takeaway from The Gifts of Imperfection, it’s this: we are worthy of love and belonging as we are—not when we achieve perfection. This profound message has the power to shift perspectives and ignite meaningful change. Whether you’re navigating personal challenges, seeking deeper connections, or simply yearning to live a more authentic life, The Gifts of Imperfection is a must-read. It’s not just a book; it’s a companion for anyone daring to show up, be seen, and live bravely.

Brene Covers so many things in this book that it deserves at least a few reads to digest everything. After a research on how "Whole-hearted" people live, she found out that these people had a certain perspective on life and embraced a few practices regularly that made a huge change in how open they were to life. After finishing this book, I picked up quite a few distinctions worth applying. When you feel shame, the reflex that is conditioned in our society, heck even more conditioned in INDIAN society is to be embarrassed. Shame can come from so many angles, but so many of us are strangled by our introverted world views that we do not give enough credit to ourselves as being people who DESERVE to feel. When you feel shame, DON'T HIDE, instead, open up! There's chapters on cultivating authenticity, being more compassionate towards our own selves and giving ourselves the love and acceptance we deserve. To anyone who's looking to read a book, this book is rated #1 on Self Esteem, even though I believe Nathaniel Branden's works are better in that department, but this book EXCELS. It is definitely worth a read and a re read and it will bring a different courageous angle to the way you see life. It did to mine when I thought, what's wrong with singing in public. I tried, I sucked and I laughed about it haha At the end of every chapter, there's suggestions on how to apply the lesson called DIG deep, get inspired and get going. They offer valuable suggestions on how to use the info and other books and authors that cover the topics in details Definitely worth a read.

Ho acquistato questo libro dopo avere visto, per un centinaio di volte, il video TED di Brené Brown "The power of vulnerability". Non posso certamente dire che sono rimasto deluso dal testo, anche se, ahimé, debbo dire che l'autrice ripete SEMPRE-LE-STESSE-COSE, ovunque. Online, su riviste, e sui libri che scrive (sempre la stessa solfa). Sicuramente può aiutare chi si trova in un periodo di transizione. A mio avviso, per dirla con le parole di Umberto Galimberti, è un libro che avvicina all'intelligenza emotiva, e allontana dal pericolosissimo "analfabetismo emotivo"; insomma, si capisce come (secondo la sua teoria, che peraltro condivido per la maggior parte) funzionano i meccanismi di vergogna, colpa, paura della disconnessione. E' sbagliato immaginare il video come una terapia; tutt'al più è sicuramente un buon punto di partenza per chi ha qualche problema della sfera sociale. Ho letto il libro in lingua originale, ossia in inglese, poiché la versione italiana è pietosa. In ogni caso si capisce tutto perfettamente, è scritto in stile "americano", ossia a prova di beota.

Great Book

Brené Brown is fantastic! This book has changed the way I see myself and the world around me! Definitely great!

El libro es excelente la autora es extraordinaria y te hace reflexionar a lo largo del libro sobre "Vivir a todo corazon" y porque lo más importante es ser nosotros mismos y ser felices en los diferentes ambitos de nuestra vida. Además en este libro destaca como el ser vulnerable es un gra demostración de coraje y valor y no una muestra de debilidad. Me fascinó este libro, lo recomiendo 100%