The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships

Wow if there was ever a book that was supposed to serve as a guide for women for gain any sort of assertiveness in their lives – THIS BOOK IS IT !!! The basic problem for women is that for too long women have allowed their past, specifically their lives as a child, to control who they are today. Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks has done a marvelous job in creating a pyramid of information to help women is this predicament, beginning telling what the difference between assertive and not being it. The author’s experience not only as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker [LCSW] but as a Psychotherapist lends itself perfectly to her readers what they need to gain the assertiveness they’re looking for. Instead of merely telling her readers this is what they must do or not do, she asks them to reflective on their lives and to look at the past events they’ve experienced from different angles so they can try to: have more clarity in their lives, more compassion towards others and how to connect with them more effectively, increased calmness when the situations warrant it, and most important an increase in the confidence they have about themselves. In order to attempt this, the book contains exercises which I feel are not to arduous to do. Being a child of the 1950’s, if was a song which would epitomize what this book is trying to do for women, then it would have to be “I Am Woman” by Helen Reddy. If you’re not familiar with this song here are some of the lyrics: I am woman, hear me roar In numbers too big to ignore And I know too much to go back an' pretend 'Cause I've heard it all before And I've been down there on the floor No one's ever gonna keep me down again [Chorus:] Oh yes I am wise But it's wisdom born of pain Yes, I've paid the price But look how much I gained If I have to, I can do anything I am strong (strong) I am invincible (invincible) I am woman You can bend but never break me 'Cause it only serves to make me More determined to achieve my final goal And I come back even stronger Not a novice any longer 'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul As you can probably see there’s no way I can’t give this book the 5 STARS it so richly deserves.

Hanks defines communication that is assertive as that which is clear, confident, and self-assured. Also, it involves the courage to express difference. Women need training in this communication because we have generally been socialized to be nice, compliant, and relationship oriented, while boys are generally socialized to be independent and strong and encouraged to speak up. Girls are also historically taught that they should take care of others and be self-sacrificing. Most assuredly, this was my training in the Panhandle of Texas in the 40s and 50s. This book serves as a workbook. At the end of informational sections, she asks questions that invite self-reflection, i.e., What stories are told about you as a young child? How would you describe your relationship with your father? with your mother? She looks at the three styles of attachment and at the three ways of self-expression. A very useful self-help book.

First, I am the type of reader who reads the one-star reviews first, so I would say I am a skeptical consumer. I'm a man by both identity and biology. I've read well over fifty behavioral science books; this one is particularly good, so much so that it's the only one for which I've decided to submit a review. Much of it is material found in many other works, but what makes this one stand out is the sheer pragmatism with which it was constructed. I believe this book is as close as it comes to being a one-stop source of guidance for how to improve relationships and one's own general wellbeing. It's just my opinion; draw your own conclusions. The book is marketed as being for women but it's absolutely 100% applicable for men, I might even boldly venture that men might get even more out of it. Anyway, big kudos on this one. My criticism is the same as I usually have for any such book, that being my belief that considering people come from so many walks of life and so many different circumstances that one cannot have too many different examples. Strongly biased toward American culture, but it's written by someone practicing in the United States, so take it as you will. The book is fairy short but dense.

Loved this Audible book so much I bought the hard-copy and the work book. It has best practices, processes, and exercises to help you be more assertive professionally and in your personal relationships.

*Essential reading for those who want to improve their connection to others, and understand themselves more deeply and with more compassion.* This book also be called, “How to be an Adult.” Self help books don’t always hold my attention or provide a framework for lasting, positive change. But this book really changed my life-not only my communication and assertiveness skills, but my perception of myself, why I have felt the need to protect or defend myself or hide from others. It helps structure you’re thinking in a different, healthier way. It helps you organize what it is you really want and how to communicate those needs. I’ve recommended this book to a few of my most cherished friends and family members.

My copy is covered in highlights and notes. I downloaded the workbook she references in the text and it was outstanding as well. This book really changed my perspective on assertiveness and deepened my understanding in a way that others on this topic haven't been able to. This has really changed my perceptions, educated me, and empowered me to make better decisions which has ultimately improved my relationships and life. I cannot recommend this enough. While it says it's for women, I think the concepts are also beneficial for men as well.

Can a title alone empower you? I can't say for everyone but this one did for me. Due to a stolen credit card problem, I had to wait for my copy of the book. But just knowing I had ordered it gave me an enthusiasm about myself I didn't expect. I wouldn't say that I am unassertive in all areas of my life. I even imagine that people who know me don't think I have an issue in this department but I do. I am now half way through the book. Just reading the ideas Dr. Hanks puts together has helped me crawl out from under my dark sides. She references many clinicians whom I have read, Brene Brown, David Schnarch and others. Yet in the context that she applies their work I find fresh ideas for my life that I hadn't seen before. This is an amazing book. I am so glad I found it.

Contains too many personal stories and isnt enough of a workbook. Half the worksheets that it does have are about how your family messed you up and made you the way you are. On top of that, I got a whole book about how to label and manage my emotions with only 2 pages on actually setting boundaries and saying no. Bit too woke for me. Runs on about how women are the way they are because of parental and societal expectations put upon them to like girly things. Has a whole chapter on how we respond to "gender messages" "dominator models of society" and "Relational Cultural Theory" which explains that women have been so encouraged by society to concerntrate on the emotions of others that they have been diverted from examining amd expressing their own emotions. I dont speak for all women like these cultural theorist's clearly do, but I'm not really interested in shifting the blame to society for my problems. I cant control other peoples stereotypical reactions to my sex so why worry about it! Maybe if I was actually learning the skills to be assertive from this book, then I would be more capable of countering those stereotypes. This validation based help may feel good on the old ego but it costs you more in the long run, verses assessing your circle of control and attempting to do something about the things within it. I have another book thankfully (The Assertiveness Workbook by Randy Paterson) thats doing more to help me figure out my current passive/aggressive approach to saying no. Using more of a Cognative Behavioral approach, it is going into detail about the common thinking patterns that lead people to use that style. It also has pages preaching about gender supression, but thankfully is more workbook oriented and so its easier to know what to skip.

Parfait

Has all the pages but they are wonky. I think somethings up with the binding, pages don’t turn well and it’s bent weirdly.

I was not expecting to enjoy this book. I thought it was gonna be filled with technical/business jargons on assertiveness. To my surprise.. I really loved this book. It was clear, easy to read, and helpful. The examples are relatable and the exercises are easy and actionable. I could not put this book down. It's around 200+ pages of ALL relevant information with references. It's nice to read a book from a Psychotherapist that is written for everyday audiences. The author has a way of relaying information without sounding like an 'uppity' doctor, which makes the information much easier to digest. I highly recommend this book to those looking to reflect, understand and improve their ability to communicate feelings/emotions.

Very insightful and easy to digest, although aimed at women this is a must read for everyone! Enjoyed every page 😊

The Assertiveness Guide for Women by Julie de Azevedo Hanks takes a psychological and feminist approach to building assertiveness in women. It focuses on attachment styles and on self-awareness through mindfulness. I was expecting an empowering read that would help me feel more in control of situations in my life. Instead, what I got was a lot of information on attachment styles that left me feeling innately defective, and made me despair about ever getting better. I was left with a sense that my childhood had irreparably damaged me and there was no hope for me. I gave up on this book after reading about forty percent of it, and deleted it from my Kindle for good measure. It'll take a while for me to get it out of my system and return to my path of healing.