An Exclusive Love: A Memoir

Writer succeeds in writing about her own need and sentimentality in understanding her grandparents who survived in different but hard ways the excesses of the Nazis in Hungary on one side and the unsentimental personas of these Jewish grandparents. The story is the story of her grandparents last day, their planned suicide, the reasons, the way they go about this day and why they do it the way they do it. The why leads to the birth, circumstances and history of the grandparents, their friend's' account of them, their ambitions and their relationship. The main reason I really liked this book is that the writer has not made her grandparents too lovable,too cute, too understandable, hasn't tried to excuse,pry open and interpret these people or demonize anyone. It feels as close as it may be possible to talk about grandparents like these. Their Jewish heritage, Nazism, camps, science, love of music, Hungarian uprising, immigration and an exclusive marriage. Life that begins in the Hungarian world and ends in a neat tidy house in Denmark.

This is a beautifully told love/family tale in a well presented and compelling historical context. Told by the granddaughter who is very clear about what she absolutely Knows and what she doesn't. The author, and translator, speaks in an evocative and clear voice. I would definitely recommend this slim memoir. It's a great read. Amazon does a really good job of making customer recommendations based on past selections. I LIVE IN SEATTLE, WA. HAVING MOVED FROM ALAMEDA,CA

A person is made of many facets. The reader is challenged to make sense of all the parts that makes a person whole.

"On 13 October 1991 my grandparents killed themselves," the first sentence of An Exclusive Love, a memoir by Johanna Adorján grabs the reader and does not let go until the end. Reported without emotion - but not without beauty - as a news reporter does best, (Adorján is a cultural journalist), the reader immediately knows the ending but not the infinitesimal details, so worth paying attention to, of the path that leads one there. Shocking to the reader, still reeling from the harsh beginning, is presented succinctly but no less forceful when Adorján recounts the final entry in the official folder of the suicide. One last punch before the book closes is from the Danish police file is the bill from the locksmith who opened the door of her grandparents' home - $297 kroner. The reader sees the door open and imagines the scene beyond it. Grandparents are an enigma. The tales they tell are often about our parents when they were young as if the near past was more important than decades that came before. In An Exclusive Love we are privy to not only the author's memories but also the intimate thoughts of people from each stage of her grandparents' (Vera and Istvan) life. The recent passing of Dr. Jack Kevorkian evokes the polarizing discussion of "death with dignity." Some called him "Dr. Death" and opposed his methods. Some called him the "angel of mercy." The Federal Government has recused itself from the conversation and handed the reins to each state to determine if and when assisted suicide is legal. A private matter and a private choice, Vera and Istvan did not ask permission from anyone but each other. An Exclusive Love is a painful and engrossing detail of the day that Adorján's grandparents acted on their suicide pact. Throughout the memoir, the author stays gently in the background allowing her grandparents their contemporaries and family members to re-construct the days, hours, and minutes leading up to their mutual suicide in 1991. Timing is everything and Adorján graciously inserts herself into the story calling forth her conversations and experiences with her beloved, mysterious forbears. In the early 90s the Hemlock Society was operating covertly in the United States and its book, Final Exit was impossible to find except via the Internet. Founded in 1980 by Derek Humphry, The Hemlock Society's mission was to help people like his wife Jean and reform the laws about doctor-assisted suicide. Aware of the book, Vera locates it, reads it and the suicide pact is in place. Planned and painless at the end, quietly so that nobody would attempt to intervene, Vera and Istvan slip into the next realm together as they have been for decades. A graceful shift into dialogue between her grandparents on the Sunday morning that is the focal point of the story shows a couple who have lived with and loved each for 50 years. They survived the Holocaust and reconstructed their life - not obliterating the past - once settled in Copenhagen. "She goes into the kitchen to wash the ashtrays she has collected from the guestroom and the front hall. Everything must be neat and tidy. She doesn't want to cause any hassle. No one must find her decision a nuisance." The grandmother's internal dialogue continues to rend the readers' heart. Page after page the reader finds another snapshot of the day that causes tears to flood the page. "You must say goodbye to each other now," says Adorján's grandmother. The grandfather holding Mitzi, their dog, kisses her nose, strokes her head and squeaks out goodbye. The beauty of An Exclusive Love is the twofold - the memory of the event and the words carefully selected to convey it. In the tradition of Joan Didion's 2007 memoir The Year of Magical Thinking, this intensely personal telling of exceptional love and loss is one to read over an over again reminding us why we read. To find ourselves through the stories of others, find out why we are here and what we ultimately want for ourselves. Adorján resides in Berlin and is an editor of the Allegemeine Zeitung's culture section. An Exclusive Love is her first book. Based in the U.K., Anthea Bell is an award-winning translator of a range of work including W.G. Sebald's Austerlitz and the Inkworld trilogy by Cornelia Funke.

Johanna Adorjan's grandparents committed a dual suicide, shocking everyone in the family. In the words of Adorjan: "This book tells the story of Vera and István, Hungarian Jews who survived the Holocaust, fled during the 1956 uprising in Budapest to Denmark and in 1991 in Copenhagen took their own lives. They were found in their bed, hand in hand. It is the story of an unusual love. The story of my grandparents." (wwnorton.com) That makes it sound so dangerous and romantic! Unfortunately, this book is anything but, which makes sense, because who wants to condone or aggrandize suicide? But this is the stuff of a Shakespearean-scale tragedy (hello, Romeo and Juliet) and yet the story is stale and I know it's a memoir but self-centered without informing on the author. Johanna Adorjan is a well-known journalist, and I expected her writing to be topnotch. To my disappointment I found the writing very dry-some of that may have to do with the fact that it was translated. An Exclusive Love had so much potential for a fictional tale of grand proportions, but as a memoir it was less interesting. At the end of the story, we know virtually nothing about Adorjan except that even years after her grandparents' death she is sad and feels betrayed. To Adorjan's credit, she attempts to come to terms with her grandparents' feelings about suicide, which is the most interesting part. She recognizes her grandmother's deeply rooted insecurity-despite her outward queenly appearance-and the desperate need to never be alone (even if it means death). These speculative bits of insight are truly compelling. I would have liked to see more information on Vera and Istvan's history in the Holocaust and immediately thereafter. However, Adorjan claims that it was impossible to get them to talk about it.

Having read numerous books of the holocaust this one really was a surprise to me.Deeply moving and the persons in it some what or mostly unaware,that Jesus did die for us all and that there IS an after life that God has created for believers.My prayers go out to Johanna and her family.It took alot of courage to pursue and ink this story of her Grand parents suicide.This is more well written as the memoir moved along.! THANKS for sharing this dificult part of your life.

This is a masterful book, very poignant and sad. It's about the deaths -- and the lives -- of two people who survived the Holocaust. But their joint suicide took place not immediately after the Holocaust, but in 1991. They were elderly and having survived the Holocaust, and having then escaped from Hungary during the 1956 uprising, they lived a fulfilling, even upscale, life in Copenhagen. As the reader, you know from the opening line how their lives ended: "On 13 October 1991 my grandparents killed themselves." And knowing that, you can't help but read the book, and imagine their lives, differently from how you might if you didn't know. There is something so moving about their story, something so gripping in the way the author/granddaughter portrays these two fine people that I found myself mesmerized, and I'm certain I'm not the only reader who was choked up at the end. The book alternates between two stories. One is Adorján's story of her grandparents from the time of the Holocaust till their death, based on her own recollections, reports of family members, and conversations with people who knew her grandparents. The other story is the moment-by-moment description of their final day: what they did, what they said, how they moved through their final hours. Of course, since Adorján wasn't present during this final day, the reporting of this day reflects her imagination. And yet, it resonates. It sounds like how this day, planned for a long time, might have transpired. He was ill and declining and he might not have survived more than a few more months. She was still full of life, but unwilling to become a burden to anyone or to live without him. Even in the final day (in the author's imagination), he tried to persuade her to change her mind and to continue on without him. He didn't succeed. Together, they tidied up, took care of every little detail, and without a moment of regret, put their lives behind them. This book is a translation, and often, translations sound like just that. The wording doesn't sound natural, the phrasing feels awkward. Not so this book. Anthea Bell is a brilliant translator. The narrative flows so effortlessly and beautifully that it's difficult to believe it wasn't written in English. I hope a great many people will read this book.

I read lots of Halocaust books and this was came from an interesting perspective as the granddaughter tries to piece together how her grandparents survived the Halocaust and led their lives.